I mentioned yesterday that I had learned a lesson from the debate tournament. It was a lesson about myself. I do not care for those kind of lessons. I much prefer the lessons of Algebra or Biology. Lessons about my behavior or attitude are much less fun.
Unfortunately, that is what I received. I suppose we could say that I have grown because I recognized it right away, but whatever. I still didn’t like it.
Ok. So let me give you some back story. I signed my son up for a debate class. I thought that it would be so good for him. It would help him meet some other high school aged kids, and maybe, just maybe, he would find an outlet for all that talking he likes to do. He agreed to take the class, but it wasn’t his idea. I wouldn’t say that he had a bad attitude about it, but he wasn’t all gung-ho either.
A couple of weeks into the class, I could tell that he wasn’t feeling the debate thing. Full disclosure here, but I was almost relieved. You see, I didn’t realize how much WORK debate was going to be. Granted the work is his, but I didn’t realize how far I was going to travel or how much I needed to be involved. You know me. Lazy.
So when I saw that he wasn’t feeling the whole thing, I had convinced myself that debate would not be good for him after all.
Here comes the lesson. Proud mom moment right here.
I had almost even convinced him that debate wouldn’t be good for him. Because I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to travel to the debate. I didn’t want to have to meet a bunch of new people. My anxiety had convinced me that this was not good. I was coming up with all kinds of stupid stuff (justifications) on why it was ok to not do debate.
Have you done this? Have you convinced yourself that no one is really going to need something because you didn’t want to do it? This doesn’t even have to be a homeschool thing. It could be about anything. I noticed this about myself with debate.
I am so thankful that my son told his teacher that we were going to the tournament, or I would have blown it off. I would have come up with some excuse. We would have stayed home and missed a good learning experience. My son likes the idea of debate now. He is excited about it. That has nothing to do with me, because if it had been up to me, we would be done. How unfortunate!
I think about myself. I know that I have done this to my kids before. How many other times have I blown off an opportunity because of my own anxiety? What’s done is done. But I can recognize this about myself now, and work to change it for future things.
I hope you don’t struggle with this anxiety. You know, it is just one more thing. I can, however, work to change it now that I recognize it.
Personal growth. It is a bummer.