remember when 2

Retiring from the military is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be, and I am not even the one doing all the work. I was expecting it to be all fun and games, an easy transition into civilian life. This is not what I am getting so far.

It is stressful. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have moments of doubt, wondering if we are making the right decision.

My husband has spent the last 25 years of his life in the Navy. Our entire marriage has been built around Navy life. We have gone where the Navy has told us to go. We have been separated when the Navy took him away. I didn’t ask questions when he worked long hours or had duty all weekend. I complained, oh, how I complained, but it was just the way of things. Now, we are calling the shots. Who are we supposed to blame now?

This job search thing is stressful. He gets to choose what he wants to do? What is that all about? He has never had a moment in his adult life where there wasn’t a job waiting for him. We have lived with uncertainty before, but at least we knew he would have a job. This uncertainty is painful.

People want to know where  we are going to live. I don’t know. People want to know what Scott is going to do. I don’t know. People want to know if Freckle Face is going to go to school. I don’t know. People want to know what I am going to do. I don’t know.

Yep, I don’t know anything. That is about all I am sure of.

Friends who have walked this road before me have told me that it is the most stressful time in their marriage. I see this. I have to be patient as Scott leaves behind all he has known and enters into a new phase in his 40’s. We have to start over again. We have to learn a new way of life.

I AM ready for this. This is what I keep telling myself. I will keep my cheerleader outfit on (figuratively, of course) and cheer my husband on when he gets another “no, thank you” email. I will be patient with him and  will wait on God, for He has the story already written. I just hope that I like the next chapter.

The picture at the top is a picture of my husband at his first reenlistment in 1994. Notice the dungarees. Notice his baby face. I wasn’t able to be at his reenlistment because his ship was in a secure facility. Not that it mattered because he reenlisted without telling me. No, I wasn’t upset about it. Weird, huh? He deployed a few days later. I was expecting our oldest, but didn’t know it yet. Does he look old enough to be a dad? Yeah, I don’t think so either. It doesn’t seem that long ago.