Christmas Day is over. I was worried that Christmas Day would be difficult for me this year. Thankfully, it was a pretty good day. I didn’t feel the pull to be somewhere else like I did last year. I just wanted to be in my house with Scott and the kids. I know that it was more difficult for my sister who traveled to my dad’s. Also for my dad, who has to stay when everyone goes home. I was able to separate myself, and although I know mom wasn’t there, I didn’t miss her as much as I thought I would.

However, today it hit me like walking into a glass door. Sometimes that just happens. Everything comes rushing back. I remember being with her in her last moments. How it felt to sit with her after she was gone. And it hurts. I just don’t like it when that happens. I don’t think Christmas has anything to do with it, or maybe it does. I don’t know. Regardless, it makes my heart heavy when it does happen.

My dad and I ushered 2014 in together. We stayed up long after mom had gone to bed. We watched the Space Needle light up at midnight, and we toasted to the New Year. We both knew what the new year would hold, but we were positive. We said “Happy New Year!” to each other even though we knew, even though it remained unspoken, that the year would hold sadness for both of us.

And with that note, I can say that I am not sad to see 2014 fade into memory. I am excited to see what 2015 holds for me. Scott will retire from the Navy. My daughter will graduate from high school. I see a new chapter beginning for me. I am not the same person I was at the beginning of last year.

Is anyone the same? I used to think that all that changed was the year, but now I know that is not true. Change has always been difficult for me. (And yet I married a sailor. Go figure.) I am working hard on new things. New things for myself. I am thinking that I may blog more frequently about these things or just daily stuff. I don’t know. I thought about making myself write something every day. But let’s be real. I am going to be moving in the middle of the year. I want to be realistic here.

That is where I am. Bringing 2014 to a close. Happy to see the arrival of 2015. It brings new adventures and change. Where will they go? What will I learn? How will I change?

I guess we will see, won’t we?

Advertisements