I think I have entered the depressed stage of the cycle of gluten free living. I don’t want to eat this way. It is such a hassle. “I can’t eat that” comes out of my mouth more often than I wish.
First of all, I started this diet as a last resort. I honestly didn’t expect it to make me feel better. I really tried it just to say I did and to get my sister off my back. 🙂 (I love you, sister!) I thought it would end there. Unfortunately, the diet worked and I felt so much better.
Ok. I know. I know. What do I mean? Unfortunately? Really? It looks so awful as I type it there. You would think I would be pleased that I feel so much better, and I am! But, man, I make a mean cinnamon roll. I make mean chocolate chip cookies. I make mean rolls. My family misses those things, and I don’t want to make them. Would you want to make them if you couldn’t eat them?
The other thing is the hassle. I don’t ever want to burden someone with my diet. It is a bother. Gluten is such a part of our diets. Even today I met some people at a sandwich shop. The whole way there I was wondering what I was going to eat. Fortunately, I could eat the sandwich in a bowl. It tasted much better than it sounds. I promise.
Oh sure, I could cheat. In fact, I spent my whole Memorial Day weekend cheating. I thought to myself, “This will be the test.” And I felt fine. For three days. Then it hit me like a wall, and I have paid the price in sleepless nights since.
This is why I am depressed. Because I told myself that it probably didn’t matter. That it was probably just a coincidence. Now I know that it isn’t, and I have to say good-bye to so many of he foods that I love. I know there are many replacements. I have even made some good things. It was fun for awhile. This trying new recipes. Now it feels like a burden. I have been baking and cooking for my family for 19 years. I liked my methods just fine. I liked the things I made. I want to go back.
And I am sad.
I should focus on the things I can eat. And I will. Just not today.