I tell my kids never to chew hard candy.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that that isn’t much of a confession. You are thinking that of course they shouldn’t chew hard candy because it is bad for their teeth so it is good that I tell them not to chew it, right? Well, the problem is that we will be sitting in the car and I will pass out a candy to everyone including myself, and while they are melting their candy in their mouths, I am smashing mine into tiny, little pieces in my mouth.

They all look at me, and I say the best momism ever invented. “Do as I say and not as I do.”

I have to chew hard candy. It would probably be better if I never ate hard candy. I am just waiting to break the crown I have in my mouth, but I am an impatient person. To just sit there with this mint in my mouth is so annoying. Lifesavers? Forget it. They don’t last 10 seconds. You know those mints that sit on the counters of resturants? They get a little longer. Maybe a minute. Then I obliterate them.

I like hard candy. I really do. I think it must be some kind of stress relief that I have. Or maybe I just have issues. I don’t know. I think that I should just really stick with chocolate. It tastes better anyway.